there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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