HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
