I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
