i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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