There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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