That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I supernannyed him into submission
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
