Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
