is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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