how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Sober January is a disaster.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
