Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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