eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
