We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
