I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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