I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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