Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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