I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
