Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
