Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
