theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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