I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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