Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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