How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
