No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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