Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
