i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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