I think i peed on brittanys purse
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
