MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
