Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
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The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
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I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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