If i come over, it means nothing
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I am available for nakedness
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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