R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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