What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
