Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
