after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize