I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
