I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
