Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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