She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
