ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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