just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
