Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
