so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
