We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
