I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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