My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
