i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
