if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
