I got chris browned last night
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
