how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
