How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
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is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
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I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.