we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.