My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.