Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
Dating After Heartbreak
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?