Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
