I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
