i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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