Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
