So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
