i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
