everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
