you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
