i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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