Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
