Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
