Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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