You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
