i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize