After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
