Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
