Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
