So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
