i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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