winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
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On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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