ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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