Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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