Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
